I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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