Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
