You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
