Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
