I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i think my cat just said my name.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
