"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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