Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize