This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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