There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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