fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
