go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
