if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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