my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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