The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
