let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
