i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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