just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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