I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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