There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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