I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
