I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
