Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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