i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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