After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
