i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
