i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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