you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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