Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
