Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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