the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I understand Curling. That high.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
