those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
