Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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