When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
