I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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