fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
