What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
