I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize