I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
nutella sex= disaster
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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