you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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