You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
