I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No subtext here. People are naked.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
