So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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