I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
