This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
