I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
