A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i think i have herpe
just one?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
