if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
