I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize