I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
