He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
