so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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