Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he fucked my hip out of place.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
