i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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