I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
