I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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