we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
