The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
