I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
