I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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