just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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