there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
