Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize