oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
