I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
