It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
