I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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