I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
