brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
