All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wish you could order shots online.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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