you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
