i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
