he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
try to milk me bitch
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
