I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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