I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
