so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
