She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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