dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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