So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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