When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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