I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
