i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I've blown a few things in my day
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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