oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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