Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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