I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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