Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
