The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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