I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
