this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
