Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
