so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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