My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
