I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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