No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
