This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
