1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize