i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
