one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
