i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
