so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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