uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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