i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
