Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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