Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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