if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
