Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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