Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
